In heaven, a priest arrives, where he's met by a couple of angels who offer a polite welcome.
Shortly after, a drunken bus driver arrives. His entrance is met with a grand celebration, complete with fireworks, and even God himself comes forward to greet him.
Perplexed, the priest approaches God and says:
- Forgive me, Lord, but I devoted my entire life to serving your church and your name. Why is my welcome so modest compared to this man?
God smiles and replies:
- My child, during your time, the church pews were seldom filled. However, when this man navigated the streets, people prayed fervently as never before.

The doctor:
- I don't like how you look at all.
The patient:
- Well, doctor, you're not a beauty either!

A police officer tries to stop a car for speeding, and the guy gradually increases his speed until it exceeds 100 mph.
The man finally realizes that he cannot escape and finally stops. The cop walks up to the car and says:
- It's been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go.
The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says:
- My wife ran off with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to get her back!

At the dentist:
- Doctor, have you forgotten that I have been sitting with my tongue out for 3 minutes?, says the irritated patient.
- I didn't forget, I just want to write your recipe quietly.

A policeman stops a speeding driver:
- You know, I had a premonition that I was going to issue a fine today. That's why I waited for you here all day.
- Well... I came as fast as I could.

Child to mother:
- Mom, mom, dad is coming!
- On which sidewalk?
- Both!

A driver pulls up to the fence of an insane asylum for a short stop. About an hour later, when he returns to the car, he discovers that someone has stolen the 4 bolts from a wheel. In a state of bewilderment, he begins to think about how to solve the problem.
At that moment, from behind the fence, he hears a voice:
- Listen, you can take one bolt from each of the 3 remaining wheels and put them on the wheel where the original 4 bolts were missing. Thus, each wheel will have 3 screws, and with this solution, you can definitely go to the nearest mechanic...
The driver thanks him for the advice and wonders:
- I wouldn't have thought of that... But tell me, how come you're in an insane asylum?
To which the voice:
- I'm crazy, but I'm not stupid.

In the restaurant, after a long wait, the very irritable customer asks:
- Excuse me, does the waiter who took my order still work for you?

Last night, my wife left a note on the refrigerator: "It doesn't work anymore, I can't take it anymore! I'm going to my mother!"
I opened the fridge.
The light inside came on and the beer was ice cold.
I don't know what the hell my wife was trying to say, the fridge worked great!

Talk between 2 mosquitoes, father and son:
- How's your first flight, son?
- Wonderful father, everyone applauds me!