Best Johnny jokes
- Johnny, what does it mean to be a diplomat?
- Think twice before saying nothing.
Father to Johnny:
- What's new at school, boy?
- Nothing! They extended my contract for the 4th grade!
John goes to the doctor and says:
- Hello, what does it hurt Mr. John?
- My back hurts when I wake up in the morning.
- Then wake up in the afternoon!
Little Johnny finds 100 lei in front of the window of the house. He takes them and quickly puts them in his pocket.
A citizen, passing by:
- You should hand them over to the police.
- That's not the case, they're my mother's.
- How do you know?!
- Dad always says that mom throws money out the window.
Johnny and Jimmy leave the church.
Johnny wonders if it's ok to smoke while praying. Jimmy answers:
- Why don't you ask the priest?
Johnny goes and asks him:
- Your Holiness, can I smoke while I pray?
But the priest says:
- No, son, you can't. It is disrespectful to our religion.
Johnny returns to his friend and tells him what the priest told him. Jimmy says:
- It does not surprise me. You asked the wrong question. I'll try it too.
Jimmy goes to the priest and asks him:
- Your Holiness, can I pray while I smoke?
To which the priest replies:
- Of course, son. Of course.
Johnny finds her sister kissing her boyfriend. He offers Johnny a 1000 $:
- You didn't see anything. You understand?
- All right, says Johnny returning 500 $.
- Why are you giving me 500 $ back?
- Why should you pay more than others pay?
Johnny to his father:
- Dad, I have two questions:
First: can you give me more pocket money? And the second: why not?
The teacher asks the class:
- If you have a dollar and you ask your father for one more, how much money do you have?
Johnny raises his hand, the teacher lets him answer, and he says:
- One U.S. dollar.
- You don't know math, says the disappointed teacher.
- You don't even know my father.