Best Drunk jokes
A drunk guy leaves a bar. He goes to the parking lot and starts touching the cars on the roof. Another driver sees him and asks:
- What are you doing man, what are you looking for?
- I'm looking for my car, said the drunk, staggering!
- Well... and why are you touching them on the ceiling, what, aren't they all the same?
- Nah! Mine has a traffic light...
Child to mother:
- Mom, mom, dad is coming!
- On which sidewalk?
A guy comes home drunk at three in the morning, takes a chair and pulls it next to the bed.
- What does this mean?, asks the awake wife, extremely nervous.
- I want to sit in the first row when you start the circus.
- Aren't you ashamed that the waiter brought you home at midnight?
- Well, if he wasn't free earlier...
A drunk guy pees on a pole. A lady comes and exclaims:
- Wow, what rudeness...!
- What about the length?
The drunk to his wife:
- Bye ugly..
- You are drunk!
- Yes, but I'll recover tomorrow...