The doctor:
- I don't like how you look at all.
The patient:
- Well, doctor, you're not a beauty either!

At the dentist:
- Doctor, have you forgotten that I have been sitting with my tongue out for 3 minutes?, says the irritated patient.
- I didn't forget, I just want to write your recipe quietly.

The doctor to the patient:
- Do you have an appetite?
- Sometimes yes, sometimes no...
- But when you don't feel like eating?
- After I ate.

The doctor:
- The cause of your illness is alcohol.
- Thank you for not blaming me, doctor!

The doctor, on a house call, goes into the bedroom with the patient, leaving the very agitated husband to wait outside.
Two minutes later, the doctor comes out of the bedroom and asks for a kitchen knife. The husband executes himself and the doctor disappears back into the bedroom. After a while he comes out again, this time asking for a hammer and chisel.
The husband runs downstairs and returns with a hammer and chisel.
Now the poor man was in a terrible state of agitation.
The doctor re-enters the bedroom, reappears after about five minutes.
- I'm sorry, he says. I'm afraid I need a crowbar.
- A crowbar?!! screamed the husband in a choked voice. What's the matter with her? Tell me, I want to know!
- I had no way to find out, said the doctor. I've been trying to open my kit ever since.

John goes to the doctor and says:
- Hello!
- Hello, what does it hurt Mr. John?
John says:
- My back hurts when I wake up in the morning.
- Then wake up in the afternoon!

A vet goes to the doctor.
The doctor:
- Tell me what's bothering you.
Veterinarian:
- Well...like this is simple isn't it?

An 89-year-old man goes to the urologist:
- Doctor, he says, I need a vasectomy.
- A vasectomy? Why the hell would you need a vasectomy at your age?
- Well, doctor, I just married a beautiful woman of 22 years, and last night she told me that she is pregnant! I can't have more children at my age!
The doctor thought for a second and said:
- Let me tell you a story. A man went for a walk in the forest and saw a huge bear. The bear began to pounce on him. He must have thought it was lost, but at the last moment he crossed his fingers and the bear fell dead from a head shot.
The old man looked at the doctor in disbelief:
- Impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear!
- Exactly, said the doctor.

- Doctor, can I at least have a glass of palinka?
- No, I told you a week ago.
- I thought that medicine had advanced in the meantime.

- Are you the patient saved from the fire?
- Yes.
- You have more fractures than burns.
- Well, they extinguished me with a shovel.