Best Dark humour jokes
A funeral procession passes. A passer-by asks a blonde:
- Who is the dead man?
- I think the one in the coffin...
My ex-girlfriend bent the hood of my car after we broke up.
In a way, it was also my fault, because I was speeding.
"Good people are hard to find!" - proverb of cannibals.
2 men meet at the gates of heaven:
- Why did you die?
- I died of cold, what about you?
- I died of joy.
- You mean?
- Someone called me saying that there was a man in bed with my wife at my house. I got home, I looked for him and I didn't find him either in the closet or in the garden, I didn't find him and I died of joy!
- Well, why didn't you look in the fridge?
The priest at the dead man's head:
- He was a good man, but he didn't really come to the Church as long as he lived.
- He wouldn't have come even now, but we brought him.
- Son, you were adopted, says the father.
- What? I want to know my biological parents.
- We are the biological parents, now pack your bags, the new parents are coming to pick you up in 20 minutes.
- Where is your father?
- He is no longer with us.
- Aw, I'm sorry.
- He's an astronaut :)