Best Couples jokes

In the first evening spent together, the groom says to the bride:
- As I found out, I'm not the first!
- As I found out, says the bride, you will not be the last...

33 4

- Honey, describe the love you have for me.
- It's like counting stars.
- Wow!... You mean infinite?
- No, waste of time.

46 4

Last night, my wife left a note on the refrigerator: "It doesn't work anymore, I can't take it anymore! I'm going to my mother!"
I opened the fridge.
The light inside came on and the beer was ice cold.
I don't know what the hell my wife was trying to say, the fridge worked great!

35 8

Late at night, the husband, drunk, comes home, his face full of lipstick and foundation. In the door, the wife, nervous.
- Honey, you won't believe me! I fought a clown!

27 10

Man to his wife:
- And you're late again, woman!
- A beautiful woman should be waited!
- I know, but why are you late?

105 17

My wife studied a little psychology. She always uses all her amateur psychology when we argue.
When I fired the boy who cleans the pools, she says, "Well, you know, you fire him just because he's so young and good-looking and you feel threatened and insecure because he reminds you of your own mortality and you project all these insecurities onto someone else in a very passive/aggressive way because these feelings are just too traumatic to deal with.”
I said, "Honey... we don't have a pool."

39 14

The husband returns home late and tries to get into bed without waking his wife. The wife asks him:
- You came, come on? What time is it?
- 10.
- How "ten", if I heard the pendulum strike one?
- Well, what? Do you want it to beat zero too?!

52 19

- My dear, last night you shouted "No John, no". Who is John?
- What does it matter, didn't you hear that I refused him?

69 14

Wife to husband:
- I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?
- The good news.
- The good news is that your car's airbag worked perfectly.

73 7

- My dear, I think our car has water in the engine!
- My dear, do you even know where the engine is?
- Yes, in the car.
- And where is the car?
- In the lake.

181 11

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