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Best Drunk jokes

A drunk guy leaves a bar. He goes to the parking lot and starts touching the cars on the roof. Another driver sees him and asks:
- What are you doing man, what are you looking for?
- I'm looking for my car, said the drunk, staggering!
- Well... and why are you touching them on the ceiling, what, aren't they all the same?
- Nah! Mine has a traffic light...

45 8

A guy comes home drunk at three in the morning, takes a chair and pulls it next to the bed.
- What does this mean?, asks the awake wife, extremely nervous.
- I want to sit in the first row when you start the circus.

48 4

- Aren't you ashamed that the waiter brought you home at midnight?
- Well, if he wasn't free earlier...

15 5

A drunk guy pees on a pole. A lady comes and exclaims:
- Wow, what rudeness...!
- What about the length?

90 11

A drunk arrives home and knocks on the door.
His wife, awoken from sleep, opens it and asks him:
- What time is it?
- Two.
His wife zbang, zbang slaps him twice over the eyes.
"It's a good thing I didn't come at 12" said the drunk in his mind.

145 18
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