- What reason do you have to divorce?
- My wife hasn't spoken to me in 2 months.
- I suggest you think again. Such women are very rare.

A woman stole a peach compote jar from a market and is caught by the police. She is taken to court and the judge asks her:
- How many peaches were in the jar?
- 6.
- Then you will spend a month in prison for each peach...
From behind, her husband:
- Mr. Judge, he also stole a jar of peas...

- John, why are you sad?
- Imagine, last night I was walking with my girlfriend through the park where I came across a maniac...
- Sexually?
- No, bisexual!

The wife searches desperately in the library. The husband, passing by, asked her:
- What are you looking for, dear?
- I'm looking for that book, "How to live 140 years", do you have any idea where it is?
- Well, I threw it away because my mother had started to read it!

- Honey, are you giving me a nice traditional stew this week?
- I can't, maybe the other one.
- She can't either, I asked her!

- I gave my wife a surprise for Santa Claus!
- Well yes! What did you buy her?
- A chocolate with hazelnuts!
- Well, this is what you call a surprise?!
- Well, yes, because she was expecting a dress!

My wife and I are in a polygamous relationship. I just found out today...

A man with a sad face enters a bar and asks for a beer.
The bartender asks him: What's wrong with the long face?
The man answers: I argued with my wife and she said she won't talk to me for a month!
Bartender: And what's the problem?
The man: Well, the month ends tonight!!

The wife argues with the husband:
- In my life there were only two real men!
Curious husband:
- And who is the second one?
- You don't even know the first one.

- My mother won't let me keep a dog in the house...
- What about your father?
- She lets him...