John goes to the doctor and says:
- Hello!
- Hello, what does it hurt Mr. John?
John says:
- My back hurts when I wake up in the morning.
- Then wake up in the afternoon!

- Hello, I would like a job.
- We have something very well paid, but there is a lot of work.
- No, thanks. If I have money, I spend it on booze.
- Then, we have a place where you don't have much work, but it's poorly paid.
- No, because if I have time, I get money and spend it on drinks. Don't you have something where I can work all day and be poorly paid?
- I'm sorry, but you don't have higher education...

The husband returns home late and tries to get into bed without waking his wife. The wife asks him:
- You came, come on? What time is it?
- 10.
- How "ten", if I heard the pendulum strike one?
- Well, what? Do you want it to beat zero too?!

- My dear, last night you shouted "No John, no". Who is John?
- What does it matter, didn't you hear that I refused him?

Two blondes are sitting at a bus stop.
One asks the other:
- Which bus are you taking?
- Number 1. And you?
- Number 2.
Bus number 12 arrives. One of them says to the other:
- Look, we're going together!

A vet goes to the doctor.
The doctor:
- Tell me what's bothering you.
Veterinarian:
- Well...like this is simple isn't it?

Johnny in biology class:
Teacher:
- Johnny , what happens if you cut off an ear?
- I don't hear with it anymore.
- Very good. And if you cut the other one too?
- I'm blind.
- Why go blind, Johnny ?
- My hat falls on my eyes.

Wife to husband:
- I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?
- The good news.
- The good news is that your car's airbag worked perfectly.

A drunk guy pees on a pole. A lady comes and exclaims:
- Wow, what rudeness...!
- What about the length?

An 89-year-old man goes to the urologist:
- Doctor, he says, I need a vasectomy.
- A vasectomy? Why the hell would you need a vasectomy at your age?
- Well, doctor, I just married a beautiful woman of 22 years, and last night she told me that she is pregnant! I can't have more children at my age!
The doctor thought for a second and said:
- Let me tell you a story. A man went for a walk in the forest and saw a huge bear. The bear began to pounce on him. He must have thought it was lost, but at the last moment he crossed his fingers and the bear fell dead from a head shot.
The old man looked at the doctor in disbelief:
- Impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear!
- Exactly, said the doctor.