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A lawyer goes to heaven. Saint Peter meets him at the gate. The lawyer is impressed, but asks:
- Are you sure it's my time? I'm not that old.
Saint Peter:
- What do you want to say? You are 86 years old.
- No, I don't... I'm only 58 years old. Why do you think I'm 86 years old?
- Well, I just added up all the hours you billed to your clients.

49 13

A girl knocked on my door asking for a donation to build a local swimming pool. So...I gave him a glass of water.

122 18

- Mom, I'm going to a party tonight, I'll come in the morning!
- Be careful not to get pregnant somehow...
- I'm 16 years old, mom!
- And I'm 32...

83 9

While admiring some dinosaur bones in the Natural History Museum, a tourist asks the guard:
- How old are they?
The guard replies:
They have 73 million, four years and six months.
- It's a pretty accurate number, says the tourist. "How do you know their ages so precisely?"
- Well, replies the guard, the dinosaur bones were seventy-three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago.

35 10

Two guys are talking:
- Now that I slept with your wife, says the first, does that mean we are related?
- No, it means we are even, says the second.

67 7

God says to Adam, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."
Adam answers him: "With great love, Lord, what do you want me to do?"
God says to him: "Go down into the Valley."
Adam responds with a question, "What is that valley?"
God explains to him and continues: "Cross the River..."
Adam asks, "What is a river?"
God explains to him, then says, "Go up the Hill..."
Adam says, "What is that hill?"
Patiently, God explains to Adam what a hill is, then tells him, "On the other side of the Hill you will find the Cave."
Promptly, Adam asks, "What is that cave?"
After explaining this to him, God tells him: "In the Cave you will find the Woman."
And Adam asks "What is that woman?"
God explains this to him as well, then says, "I want you to reproduce."
Adam asks, "And how do we do that?"
Exasperated, God explains this to him, as always.
So Adam descends into the Valley, crosses the River, climbs the Hill, and enters the Cave, where he finds the Woman.
He's back in less than five minutes.
God, with patience at the limit, asks him: "What is it now?"
To which Adam answers again with a question: "What is that Migraine?"

31 10

The other day I stopped to observe two men working in the public works department. One was digging a hole and the other was following behind him and filling the hole. After a while, I had to ask:
- Why dig a hole, only for your partner to come and fill it up again?
The hole digger wiped his forehead and sighed.
- Well, I suppose it probably seems strange, because we're normally a team of three. But today the boy who plants the trees took the day off because he is sick.

33 5

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