Man to his wife:
- And you're late again, woman!
- A beautiful woman should be waited!
- I know, but why are you late?

105 17

My wife studied a little psychology. She always uses all her amateur psychology when we argue.
When I fired the boy who cleans the pools, she says, "Well, you know, you fire him just because he's so young and good-looking and you feel threatened and insecure because he reminds you of your own mortality and you project all these insecurities onto someone else in a very passive/aggressive way because these feelings are just too traumatic to deal with.”
I said, "Honey... we don't have a pool."

39 14

Mother says to her blonde daughter:
- My dear, go to the store.
Blonde: But what do I have to buy?
- You have to buy milk, cereal and chicken breast.
Blonda: Milk, cereal and chicken breast.
- Write it down somewhere so you don't forget!
Blonda: Let me remember, so milk, cereal and chicken breast.
On the road...
Blonda: Milk, cereal and chicken breast.
In the store...
Blonda: Milk, cereal and chicken breast. I will not forget.
The cashier asks her:
- Hello! What do you want to buy?
- Candy.

42 18

A guy walks into a sex shop and studies an inflatable doll for minutes, then asks the seller:
- When is it produced?
- January, 2016.
- Ah, no...Capricorn!

67 17

The snail is robbed by the turtle.
The police come and ask the snail "Can you tell us what happened?"
The snail says "I don't know man, it all happened so fast".

65 11

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